At this time during my last pregnancy…

Jan. 9: While I was in the shower this morning, I was marveling at the fact that I have less than five weeks until my “due date.”  The new one’s approaching birth feels more real.  In fact, I took tags off newborn clothes and washed them last night.  SO CUTE!!!
My mind drifted to think about what I was doing when I was at this point in my pregnancy with Andrew.  On the equivalent of New Year’s, Bryan and I had walked the Syttende Mai walk together.  Then I had a fun surprise baby shower.  It was late May when I was 35 weeks pregnant with Andrew.  Ben and Melanie had just visited, and I had just set up this website.
And the equivalent of this week was when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  I remember getting a phone call from her on a Thursday afternoon saying cheerfully that she was in the hospital, but it was just to have some tests run.  No need to panic.  I could come by to visit after work.

My first real posts to my website were about Mom’s health.
I remember how sad she sounded when we started getting bad news, and she said that she didn’t want me to have to put that kind of news on my website because it was supposed to be a place to post things about the new baby.  I told her that I thought of my website as a place to post things about life, and this was life, so from my perspective, there shouldn’t be censorship to limit it to the planned and the happy.
It feels like there was a lot of time between the point when Mom was diagnosed and when Andrew was born one month later.  There were so many doctor’s appointments. SO much overwhelming research and learning about cancer and treatments.  We had the first of what became two-and-a-quarter years of packing my entire family into doctor’s offices to talk about treatment options.  Urgh.
I guess that as I’ve had that flashback, I’ll just be glad that we had as much time with Mom as we did after that initial hard diagnosis.  And I’ll be glad that we don’t have any reason to expect that the last month of this pregnancy will be filled with such difficult times.
It’s a pretty day today.  The sun seems to have come out from the clouds, and there’s good music on the radio:)

About a month to go (?)

Jan. 7: Andrew and I had our first joint prenatal visit to my midwife today.  Andrew thought the whole thing was really cool, and my midwife was nice about including him.  They measured my belly together (33 cm from bottom to top).  Andrew was excited to keep the tape measurer.  They also put some jelly on my belly and used a doppler to listen to the heart beat.  She was at 148 beats/minute today.  Andrew was a little concerned about the noise of the doppler…it’s a loud swishing sound with lots of static instead of a quiet “ba-dum” heart beat.  When my midwife stepped out, Andrew said, “That lady put peanut butter…I mean jelly on your belly.  And I was nervous.”
My midwife was having a hard time confirming that the baby was head down, so she brought in an ultrasound machine.  More jelly on the belly, and Andrew and I got to see “pictures” of little sister.  Andrew quickly lost interest because the images look nothing like a person.  She confirmed that the baby is indeed head-down, which is a really nice thing.  It also means that the lump that moves around up by my ribs is her baby bottom.  She spent a couple moments confirming that there was a good amount of amniotic fluid, and she took a peek at the heart and the umbilical cord.  Amazing to see her heart valves pumping and the arteries in the umbilical cord!
As we left, Andrew received a sticker.  Later in the day, he woke up from his nap and said, “We measured you with the measurer.  Then we put jelly on you and listened to the baby’s heart beat.  Then we saw a picture.  And I got a sticker of a warthog!”  He clearly thought it was a pretty neat experience.  My next appointment is in two weeks.  I’ll be 37 weeks!

Baking bread

dinosaurs.JPGJan. 6: As I look at 2008 and try to envision life as the mother of two children and in my new upcoming role as stay-at-home mom, I find that the future appears exciting and daunting and more than a little nebulous.  Since I tend to be an overly-organized person, I think that one of the things I am the most worried about with staying home is that home life doesn’t really require progress toward goals or plans or order.  But I think I need those things.  So at some point, I plan to sit down and begin to create a series of goals for myself over the next year.  One of the things that I know I want on my list is learning to easily and consistently make a good loaf of homemade bread.
Becky made some yummy bread for us at Jack’s and that inspired me.  So tonight, I made a loaf of bread, and I am still up at 11pm waiting to wrap it up for breakfast tomorrow.  I snitched a bit, and warm with a pat of butter, it was amazing.  I think it is the first loaf of bread I’ve made that has risen well ever.  Ahh, success!  I will sleep well tonight with the taste of bread on my tongue and the promise of bread with butter and strawberry jam for breakfast tomorrow!
Photos from the last week are in the gallery.

Melting snowy weekend at Jack’s

jackswinter.JPGJan. 6: We’re back home from a really nice weekend at Jack’s house.  As we prepared for it, I was very aware that it was our first trip to Jack’s since Mom died.  In fact, as I was getting ready to go, I kept having sort of flashbacks to our trip last summer.
It was a few days after our trip to Mayo where we were told that Mom’s cancer had most likely returned and was not treatable.  Mom wasn’t feeling good, but she supervised the cooking, and in retrospect, it was one of the last fun things we did together as a family.  I still can’t believe that only two weeks later we were starting to work with Hospice and four weeks later she was gone.  I really still don’t feel like I can get my mind around all that.  But that background was  the undercurrent of my thoughts as we planned for our winter trip to Jack’s this year.
One thing that I haven’t been sure about how to approach is how to recognize or acknowledge Mom and the fact that she’s not here as we get together for family activities.  Our mode of operation thus far these last months has mostly been to try to get through milestones without melodrama and by trying to make evens as fun as possible.  I find so much comfort in being with my siblings.  When we’re all together, things just kind of seem OK at the same time that our togetherness makes it that much more obvious who is not there.
But there’s something about all of us and the parts of Mom that we all bring to situations just by being ourselves that makes the tightness in my heart soften and my worries about how we’ll move forward seem less relevant.
And our winter weekend at Jack’s was a lot of fun.  Andrew had a blast, and Bryan and I so appreciate having a house full of people who love and help to care for him.  On Saturday, we took a long walk on some roads near Jack’s house.  Andrew had fun throwing snowballs, getting thrown into snow banks, running fast down the hills, and getting carried about half the time.  Even so, he walked for perhaps a couple miles, and he had a good time about 98% of the time.   Jack mad a big bonfire, and several of us enjoyed sitting near it and watching the fire burn.  There was a lot of Trivial Persuit and a poker tournament, which Becky-who-has-never-played-poker won:)  I made a chocolate cake last night.  I love baking cakes!  Bryan enjoyed some sauna time this morning interspersed with a jump in the snow.
Overall, it was a relaxing, fun, and feel-good kind of weekend.  Photos are in the gallery.

You should see her move!

Jan. 6: Woof…I’m feeling pretty big.  At 35 weeks, this little one is supposed to be a bit over 5 lbs…the weight of a honeydew melon.  When she gets active, I really notice!  I think she’s still head-up, with her head nestled just under my right ribs.  I have a midwife appointment tomorrow, so perhaps she’ll be able to tell if the little one has flipped.  Because of the holidays, this will be my first appointment in a month.  Hard to believe that there are only three weeks until I am “term” and five weeks until our predicted due date.
Bryan’s mom is coming into town on February 2 with the hopes of being here to help with Andrew when the little one makes her entrance.
Tomorrow’s appointment will also be the first to which I am taking Andrew.  I’m working three days/week for the next two weeks, and my last official day at work is January 17.  So on Monday tomorrow, I’ll be home with the little guy for a day together.  I wonder if he’ll be interested in listening to the baby’s heart beat with the doppler.

BabyCenter.com Week 35 update

Your baby doesn’t have much room to maneuver now that he’s over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew).
Because it’s so snug in your womb, he isn’t likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he’ll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

Home again, home again

sweetboy.JPGDec. 31: I feel like this vacation just keeps going on and on and on.  It’s lovely!  We flew back home to Wisconsin on Friday afternoon in the midst of a big snow storm.  Fortunately (surprisingly, really) our flight wasn’t delayed in the slightest.  Uncle Joe picked us up at the airport, which was good, because Andrew really wasn’t too keen on the idea of leaving Texas.  His refrain most of the flight home was “Let’s go back!”  Knowing that Uncle Joe was going to be at the other end provided enough of an incentive to keep him OK with the idea of leaving.  I don’t think he could have had a better time during our trip.  Being at Granny and Grandad’s house is everything a little boy could want.
Our awesome neighbor, Jenni, snowplowed our driveway for us as the snow fell thick and heavy, and we enjoyed getting back to our home.  The kitties, who had been cold and lonely for a week, were a little psycho, but at this point, they have had their kitty love-tanks filled, and they are feeling back-to-normal.
On Saturday, Bryan took Andrew duty most of the day while I jumped into Maretta’s wedding planning.  We enjoyed a cake testing at La Brioche, went to a couple alterations places to find someone who could help us bustle her gown, and spent the afternoon at a bridal shower hosted by Maretta’s maid-of-honor, Laurie.  It was a fun-filled day!  Maretta, Kyle, and Kyle’s mom, Marilyn also came over yesterday, and we spent a couple hours going over lots of wedding details together.  The conversation continues at 1:30 today.  We have lots to pack into the short time that we’re both home!
Last night we had my whole family over for a Christmas-time get-together.  Becky volunteered her mom to make us a lasagna, and it got rave reviews from all who tasted it.  It’s crazy that just immediate family makes for a party of 12 people!  Andrew got to open a few presents, and he was in 7th heaven, playing with all of his aunts and uncles.  This morning he woke up and said to me with a wistful voice, “Uncle Kyle played with me.”
Andrew was a stellar flyer, and he’s been in a really good mood since we got home.  Bryan and I have both been unsuccessful in putting him down for naps, but when Uncle Joe or Aunt Maretta go in to do a “closing,” he goes to sleep just fine.  What gives??  I think we just need someone else to live with us to put Andrew down for naps.
Hope you enjoy a happy New Year’s Eve!
Photos from the last week are in the gallery.

Should I be worried?

Dec. 31: Hmmm.  As I type, Andrew is watching The Dance of the Hours on Fantasia.
At the part where the hippo emerges from the fountain, Andrew turned to me with a big smile and said, “It’s a mommy, mommy hippo!”  “Just like YOU!”
Maybe he just likes the hippo a lot.  Or maybe my girth is very reminiscent of a ballet-dancing hippo…

It’s a beautiful day…from my view on the couch

Dec. 27: Ahhh, December in Texas.  It’s a nice day out today. Temperature in the mid-sixties, a little breeze, the air smells green and sweet.  I can smell the breeze because I have the windows open.
Unlike my husband and son, who have been outdoors a lot this week, I have surprised myself by only venturing out a couple times.  “How ridiculous!” I think.  Why would I, who love a beautiful day, plant myself on a sofa for days at a time.  Who knows, but I have certainly enjoying “slugging it.”  I’ve knitting a bunch, ripped out everything I knitted because I forgot to reduce a few stitches for the armholes of Andrew’s sweater, and tried with only mild success to get my newly upgraded website gallery working fully.
It’s been a very relaxing and quite restorative vacation, despite my lack of motivation to enjoy the out-of-doors.  We head back home tomorrow morning, and I’m then looking forward to four days of vacation at home before returning to work on Jan. 2.  Maretta has a wedding shower on Saturday, and I’m looking forward to getting together with my family for a “Christmas” get-together on Dec. 30.  The fun just keeps on coming!

Thinking of names

Dec. 27: Bryan and I got to go out on a date last night while Bryan’s parents stayed home with Andrew.  A good time was had by all!
Bryan and I ate out at a good restaurant and had fun splitting several dishes.  We somewhat accidentally also ended up ordering $18 worth of bottled water.  Oops!
Afterwards, we went to a book store, and I stumbled upon a really neat book called The Baby Name Wizard.
We’ve barely talked about names at all, and we ended up using our night out as a kick-start to the baby name discussion.  After reading through the book, we each picked out 20-30 names we liked.  Then we’ve spent some time this morning combining lists and grouping our favorites.
We’ve now weaned it down to a list of seven possible names, and I think we’re going to let it simmer for a while.  Bryan asked Andrew to say each of the names, and they sounded so sweet in his little voice.  My guess is that we won’t settle on a name until we meet the little one face to face.

As of tomorrow (Friday), I’ll be at 34 weeks of pregnancy.  Wow!

Here’s the update from BabyCenter.com with info on my little cantaloupe:

 Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she’s born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you’ve been nervous about preterm labor, you’ll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short
stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

Merry Christmas!

christmasmorning.jpgDec. 25: Christmas Day greetings to all my friends and family who may be checking up on the website!  We’ve enjoyed a really nice morning together so far.  Ben and Mark have spent the early afternoon playing with their toy helicopters and cars.  Melanie is working on some wooden puzzles.  Bryan’s trying out some new music on new headphones, and I just finished setting up a web camera I got for Bryan’s parent’s so we can try doing video calls over the internet.
LuAnn put Andrew down for his nap, and he is now peacefully sleeping.  My family is home in Wisconsin at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Sounded like they had a full house, with all my dad’s siblings and my cousin Abe and his family in attendance.  Grandma is at the nursing home/rehab center, so I’m sure it’s a different feeling Christmas in Monroe without any grandparents in at home.
We had a breakfast of pulla this morning…a cardamom bread rolled with almond and raspberry filling and shaped like a wreath.  Then for lunch, we enjoyed chili made by Melanie.  Since I burned my tongue by eating it too soon, I needed Blue Bell ice cream afterwards:)
Ben and Melanie are still in town until tomorrow night, and we’re still here until Friday, so there’s a feeling of lazy relaxation.  It’s nice to still be in your jammies at 3 pm on Christmas Day:)
Lots of photos from our morning are in the gallery.