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21 Weeks…This little one is bopping!

Sept. 30: This sweet little baby is really moving around in my belly!  I spent the weekend up in Northfield and St. Paul, and in the evenings while Maretta and I were watching movies, she could feel the little bumps coming from my tummy.
I think that this is the most calm and lovely part of a pregnancy.  I can feel the sweet little baby, I’m feeling pregnant and growing but still small enough to be comfortable almost all the time.  It’s not hard to do anything yet.  The sweet little baby bumps aren’t uncomfortable, my pelvis isn’t splitting…these are all really good things.  I’d like it if this month could last a while.  On the other hand, I want to meet our new little person, so let’s keep the show on the road!

Update from BabyCenter.com – Week 21

How your baby’s growing:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is
approximately 10 1/2 inches long. His eyebrows and eyelids are fully developed. And you can certainly feel him move. He’s oblivious to your schedule, though, so don’t be surprised if he starts working out just when you’re settling down for the night.

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I dream of Mommy

Sept. 28: I just woke up from having the most amazing dream. Since Mom died…exactly four weeks ago…I haven’t had any dreams about her. But last night I had this long and elaborate dream, and it was lovely.

In this dream, we were burying her with the casket open.  And as we shoveled dirt onto her, I broke down and couldn’t watch.  So I was sitting in a nearby room (I think we were burying her indoors, hmm), Mom walked in, freshly showered and looking completely healthy.

Her hair was curling around her face, and her expression was calm and happy.  She said that somehow the shoveling of dirt onto her had woken her up.  I thought about telling her that her body had been prepared for an open casket funeral, and there was no way in the world that she could still be alive, but I decided to let that matter rest.  Who cared, she was right there in front of me.

We held each other, and I cried and told her how much I had missed her.

Then, in one of those dream-like transitions, Mom and Andrew and I were out shopping together.  She pointed out a couple things she thought I would like.  In one case, I was holding the same item in a different color on the other side of the same display.  I said, “I’m going to buy this, Mom.  It’s not every day you come back from the dead!”

Andrew was being a pickle, and Mom seemed to be having so much fun, was expressing so much relief at getting to watch him run around and do his marvelous exploration of the world.

For a long time, Mom and I wandered and shopped and talked…mostly about every day nothing.  It was lovely.

Toward the end of the dream, she and I were curled up in her bed.  She was wearing the night gown she wore some of her last coherent days at home, but now it looked good on her healthy, not-so-skinny body.

I cuddled close to her and smelled her skin.  She smelled just like she is supposed to.  I’ve missed that, without even knowing it.  We laughed together at how white her legs are.
I was just so stunned to have here next to me, in my presence, and so fully alive.

She asked me if I felt like this was worth it.  If the goodness I felt at seeing her again overshadowed the pain I would feel if she died again.  And I told her I would take two more weeks of the torture of watching her die to have this one beautiful day.  She seemed glad about that.

A couple moments later I woke up.  My little sister is sleeping in the bunk above me; I’m staying with her in St. Paul this weekend.  I spent a few moments thinking about how lovely it was to not have that sadness anymore.  Then I realized that it had been a dream.  Oh well.  At least I got to see her.

I so hope I have more of those dreams.  It really made me feel good.  It made me realize that what I miss most is spending time to Mom and being close to her.  I really makes me sad to think that we won’t be able to have anymore lazy days spent in happy company together.  So if we can do that now and again in my dreams, that would make this new reality a little easier to bear.

And maybe when this new little baby is born, I can introduce her to Mom in my dreams too.  Of course, I think she’ll already know her well.  I have a feeling that in some form, Mom is going to be spending the next four months holding and singing to my little one.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it came out already knowing all our lullabies.

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It’s a girl!

BabyDScanA.jpgSept. 25:  I’m just back at a computer after my fun and heartwarming ultrasound appointment.  The little one was bopping around inside.  Very active and looking all complete and healthy.  The ultrasound lady got a good look, and she said that we’re having a girl.  Yay!  I’m so giddy and excited.  Going out for French fries and a malt now!
~Althea

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Brother or sister??

Sept. 25: Today is the day of my 20 week ultrasound, and I just can’t wait to get a glimpse of the little wanderer inside.  I asked Andrew last night if he thought that the teeny tiny baby would be a sister or a brother.  He said sister.  Then I asked if a sister was a girl or a boy.  He said a boy.  I told him a sister is a girl and a brother is a boy asked again which he thought our baby would be.  He said sister.  So that’s Andrew’s guess.
I think Bryan has no guess about gender, and I’ve been quietly thinking girl from nearly the beginning.  I’ve spent the last week trying to get my head around the idea of, “what if it is a boy?”  I’d be pretty surprised!  But I’d be delighted either way.  I kind of see myself as the mom of a boy.  I like the idea of boys and brothers.  When I first found out I was pregnant, I was hoping for a boy.  But then I started to get a girl sense, and at this point, like I said, I’d be really surprised if it was a boy.
So exciting!  I’ll post an update as soon as I find out!

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Lovely times outdoors

olbrichbench.jpgSept. 22: I’ve been having some really fun times with Andrew this past week.  Last weekend, the weather was cool and fallish.  Bryan, Andrew and I all went to Cherokee Marsh for a nice long walk.  Andrew didn’t think that “walk” applied to him.  He wanted to be carried.  He did have a great time searching for nuts and pebbles and spying on grasshoppers and other insect life.  It was a beautiful day.
On Sunday, we had a mostly great trip to Olbrich Gardens.  The main bugaboo we ran into was the many water features.  Andrew wanted to get WET.  As we told him, “no” to putting his hand in the water, he ratcheted up the ante and decided he wanted to fully submerge himself in the water.  As we walked over the bridge, he kept saying, “jump in!”  I think he was just trying to stake out a strong bargaining position:)  Photos from Cherokee and Olbrich are in the gallery.

On Friday, Andrew and I joined my co-workers Pam and Vicki and their kiddos Clara and Alex for an outing to Eplegaarden Orchard in Fitchberg.  It’s so fun to see these little ones interacting and doing their thing.  They’re each just amazing.

I picked lots of apples, which I’m planning on making into apple sauce and perhaps other yummy things.  The only problem is that Joe isn’t here.  He helped me peel and cut up the apples for the last batch of apple sauce.  Without his help, I’m a little afraid that they may all just rot on the counter.  Just kidding, Bryan.

Photos of the little ones playing at the orchard are in the gallery.

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Getting back into the swing

Sept. 22: It’s been a pretty good week.  Bryan started his new job at OpGen on Monday.  He’s been sometimes overwhelmed, but in general, as the week progressed, I think he was feeling increasingly comfortable…feeling like he’ll be able to do a good job working there.  The past week, Bryan’s been posting to a blog about his new job.  Check it out!
I really enjoyed being back at work this week.  Monday and Tuesday, I felt like my brain was doing a lot of catch-up to remember how to do things like read and process information, but by Wednesday, I felt like things were clicking more.  Gathering Waters’ land conservation awards celebration was on Thursday, and it went really well.  It was nice to get dressed up (making a run to the Macy’s MAC counter to get my eyes done 🙂 and see many of our great colleagues.
I am traveling to Carleton on Thursday next week, but other than that, it should be a relatively normal, calm week in the office.  I’m looking forward to it!

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Half way done?!

Sept. 22: I feel like my belly is doing some major growth this week.  Objectively, I don’t think I look any different, but it’s somewhat uncomfortable down there.  I’m still feeling the little one kick…little blip-y feelings.  The other night, it was actually making it kind of hard for me to fall asleep.  Such a sweet and wonderful feeling.
My ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday, Sept. 25.  Hopefully we’ll find out the gender at that point.  I just can’t wait to see the little munchkin…getting a sneak peak is such a treat!

From BabyCenter.com 20 week update

How your baby’s growing:

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. She’s also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heel.
(For the first 20 weeks, we use measurements taken from the top of the baby’s head to her bottom — known as the “crown to rump” measurement.
After that, we use measurements from head to toe. This is because a baby’s legs are curled up against her torso during the first half of pregnancy and are very hard to measure.)

A greasy white substance called vernix caseosa coats her entire body to protect her skin during its long submersion in amniotic fluid. (This slick coating also eases the journey down the birth canal.)

Your baby is swallowing more, which is good practice for her digestive system. She’s also producing meconium, a black, sticky substance that’s the result of cell loss, digestive secretion, and swallowed amniotic fluid. This meconium will accumulate in her bowels, and you’ll see it in her first messy diaper (although a few babies pass it in utero or during delivery).

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Alphabet madness

doingapuzzle.jpgSept. 15: I’m constantly amazed how little brains work.  Once Andrew decides it is time to do something, it surprises me how he can just go ahead and do it.  I don’t think he is any different from other kids in this respect, but it’s such a privilege to watch him in action.
In the past few weeks, Andrew has decided that he loves the alphabet.  So we went to the library and got him several alphabet books.  Since that time, he’s just been eating up letters.  Today, he pointed at Bryan’s shirt and said, “B – A – Y – L..”  Well, then he lost interest, but Bryan’s shirt said Baylor.

In other news, Andrew is still in love with stories about Robin Hooood.  He’s not napping for us today.  When he is feeling cooperative, he’s just the funnest person to be around.  I trimmed his curls while he was in the tub last night.  They were getting a little excessive, but I just love them so!

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Not working much at anything!

frontporch.jpgSept. 15: It’s been a really nice week.  With Bryan and myself having the full week off and Andrew in daycare at Karen’s, the days were quiet and full of whatever we wanted to do.  Sitting here now on the weekend, I’m feeling really glad that I was able to take this whole week to recuperate.  I’m also a little shocked at how little I’ve gotten done.  I pretty much divorced myself from computer this week, so not only did I not reply to the hundreds of loving notes I received throughout the month, but I am now behind on another 40 or so.  Oh well!
I did get some productive things done.  I paid Mom’s bills, did some clean-up of material from the funeral events, and at least now have a rather complete list of the thank-you notes that need to be written.  I’m so grateful to so many people.  In retrospect, this past week would have been an ideal time to write a lot of those thank you notes.  It was, however, more fun and more restorative to be a slug:)
With life moving at a slightly slower pace, Andrew was in a much better mood this week.  We had some lovely evenings together.  Pictures from the last week including a nice apple-picking trip we took last weekend are in the gallery.

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Updates on my siblings

Sept. 15: I’ve had quite a few people ask what Maretta and Joe are doing at this point, so here’s a quick update.
Maretta and Kyle drove back up to St. Paul on Sunday, September 9.  Maretta had gone up for a couple days last week to get settled, buy books, and attend the first day of classes.  After returning to her apartment at St. Kate’s on Sunday, Maretta spent a couple days lying low, and she started going to classes on Wednesday.  Although she didn’t try out for the fall plays, one of the directors approached her earlier this week and offered her a part in a three-person show this fall.  So even though she had been thinking about taking a bit of a slower semester, it looks like she’ll be working full throttle for the next month.  I’m glad because she’ll be doing things that she loves.  Maretta is a senior majoring in theater.
Joe flew back to Bowdoin College in Brunswick, Maine on Thursday, September 13.  He’s planning on starting classes on Monday.  He’s going to take a couple classes this fall, work, and play his English horn in a quartet.  I imagine he’s going to have his work cut out for him the first few weeks since classes at Bowdoin started on August 30.  Joe’s a sophomore this year and is planning on majoring in philosophy.
While Joe was home over the last couple weeks, he’s been staying with Michael, and Michael took off work Monday-Wednesday this week to recuperate and to spend time with Joe.  I believe that Michael went back to work on Thursday at Excel Inns where he works as a computer guru.
I stopped in work at Gathering Waters Conservancy briefly on Tuesday and Wednesday, but other than that, I took off the whole week to recover and to spend time with Bryan since he was having his week off between jobs.  After nearly four weeks of time off work, I’ll be back at work on my normal schedule starting on Monday.

I think for all of us, it was good to take off some time after the trials and events of the last few weeks.

In talking with Maretta the other day, we noted that we’re all learning to incorporate a deep sadness into our lives now.  It’s a lot different than what we’ve been dealing with the last couple years.  A sense of loss and a gaping hole has replaced a previous constant sense of anxiety or alertness.  I am glad to not have to continue to worry about the results of the next test.  When would bad news come?  How would it come?
The last month was much more serious…how much pain was Mom in? Was she acting normally, or not? If she wasn’t acting normal, what did that mean?
So, bizarrely, I find myself experiencing a sense of relief on some level.  I can still carry with me a constant, very low-grade worry that some accident will befall someone I love, but I don’t have that same sense of potential impending doom.  Now that the worst has happened and we no longer have our Mom here with us in our lives, we instead need to work through our grief and learn how to make our lives OK with this new, undesired reality.

If anyone wants to drop Maretta or Joe a note, here are their addresses:

Maretta Babler
College of St. Catherine
#145
2004 Randolph Ave.
St. Paul, MN 55105

Joe Babler
Bowdoin College
33 Smith Union Hall
Brunswick, ME 04011-8400