It’s been a good day. My car has new rear brakes, and my mechanic was able to remove the last of the coins from my vents and even fixed the tape player.
While Andrew and Eli splashed around at the Monona pool during their lesson this morning, a baby-sitter watched the girls back at home. Such luxury to sit pool-side with a dear friend for a half-hour, laughing and relaxing. Celia’s having a bit of trouble this week with her 2-year-old molars. Our normally sunshine-y girl has been kinda sad.
Sylvia is taking a nice nap right now, and I sat down with a copy of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s book Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a lifetime. Mary wrote Raising Your Spirited Child, which I love. And I’m loving this book too. Check out this lovely quote from the first page:
“Recognizing…emotions [yours and your child’s] is the key to stopping power struggles before they ever start. Responding to those emotions builds the relationship that makes your child want to work with you.
Discipline isn’t just about winning or losing. Every power struggle offers you the opportunity to connect with your child or to disconnect. The relationship you have with your child when he’s an adolescent lies in the words and actions you use today. Ultimately your real power is in that emotional bond.”
I swear that my mom could have written that passage. I love reading Mary Sheedy Kurcinka because she makes me feel so good. She re-frames situations and offers understanding, compassion, great suggestions, and lots of fun and hope. I’ve found her books to be as useful for Andrew as they are for Sylvia. It’s always so neat to run across something that feels so right.
I’ll enjoy these last moments of a nap and keep on a-reading!
I haven’t read any of her books (for some reason, the voracious parenting-prep reading I did while pregnant utterly stopped as soon as Shara was born), but I am somewhat troubled by her use of the word “winning.” I hope she means that you can create a “win-win” situation, rather than viewing power struggles as something to be won or lost…actually, I’m also turned off by the idea that my relationships with my kids can be characterized as power struggles. We’re not struggling for power, we are growing and learning and interacting as people. Neither of us are right or wrong.
Hey Karen,
Good points all. I think that the author would agree with all that you said!
I should probably read the actual book, rather than basing my critique on the title. Blame it on lack of chocolate…I haven’t had any for days.
Althea…sounds like you’ve had a couple of great days. I’m so glad. I’m glad your book is encouraging you. You are right, it is always fun to find things that sound like they can help you and you feel good about them at the same time. That emotional bond is indeed important…I totally agree. And that is built both during those training moments, but also in just the easy, everyday, fun moments as well. I love you and those kids (and of course their daddy too) and I’m glad to hear you sounding encouraged!! Love you!