Tantrum diagnostics

Last night was a very quiet, peaceful evening, just me and my computer, and it gave me some good time to poke around online reading about other spirited toddlers and finding solace and humor in community.  It also gave me time to think about what has been happening the last couple days to set Sylvia up so that she is primed to have such lengthy, fierce tantrums.  And I think it’s about sleep and communication.

Since Andrew’s been doing swim lessons at 10am this week, Sylvia isn’t getting a mid-morning nap.  Yesterday I put her down for a nap at 11:30, but she only played in her crib for an hour.  So our 1pm trip to bank was sort of set up for a melt-down.  Her half-hour tantrum at the pool-side on Monday morning was probably in part because she (really) wanted to get into the water, but the tantrum was certainly stronger and longer because she was really ready to take a nap right at that time.  It just sometimes helps to know that there are reasons for these things.

My girl has really liked it when I speak in “Toddler-ese” to her (see The Happiest Toddler on the Block). Andrew liked this technique too.  Sylvia really doesn’t say many words yet, but she understands so much, and she gets amazingly frustrated when she doesn’t think I “get” what she’s saying.  For example,

On the way home from Donna’s today, I stopped by Java Cat to get a javalato (coffee ice cream drink with whipping cream on top, ohhh yeaaahhhh).  Sylvie could tell it was something good, and she was pointing at it and clearly indicating that she wanted some.  When I said, “I’ll give you a taste when we get home,” she got really made and started to flip.  So I said something along the following:

“Sylvie is MAD!  She is MAD MAD MAD!  She is mad that Mama won’t give a taste RIGHT NOW.  Mama is driving and said she will give Sylvie a taste when we get home, but Sylvie wants a taste NOW!  No wait!  Now!  Mama says soon.  Sylvie says NOW.  Mama says that we are almost home.  Almost home.  Oh look, there’s our house.  Sylvie says NOW, and Mama says, ‘Here we are.  We are home.  Let’s get out and have a taste.'”

The whole time I’m talking, Sylvie is very quiet and calm…unless I stop noting her feelings and try to make it all better.  But in general (not yesterday, but in general), she’ll stop tantruming on a dime if I repeat…kind of yell…back to her what I think she’s feeling.  Then she feels heard and understood, which I think is a very important thing for these kiddos!

Hopefully some good naps today will help make our day a more joyful one!