July 14: The other day, Andrew was curled up in my lap with his arms intertwined amongst mine. I was looking down at our hands and surprised myself by thinking for a moment that his hand was mine. Then I chucked (because really, his fingers are a lot smaller than mine), but it made me think.
When Andrew was little, my mom told me that when she was a new mom, one of the things she had to work at the most was understanding that she and her baby were independent people. She said that she always felt like she and her children were one, and that the whole of raising her kids was a constant peeling apart of our united selves.
So from the time they were born, and perhaps for the rest of our lives, Andrew and Sylvia will be learning to be their own, independent persons and Bryan and I will be learning how much to protect and how much to trust, how much to nurture and how much to encourage fledging.
Sylvie is still so new.
The other day, I left her with my brothers while I went to see Tom in the hospital. When I returned, Sylvie was so very, very sad. She saw me, and I could see relief in her tear-filled eyes. When I held her, she gently stroked my lips with her finger tips…reassuring herself that I was there.
To me, it seemed like our separation wasn’t so much about missing me as about feeling perhaps adrift without my presence. It made me think, “I don’t think she knows that we are two different people!” Having access to her mama is one of the constants in her world, and the few times that I’ve left her, I think she’s more upset by the gap I leave than anything.
So that’s some musings for the morning. Andrew’s been very patient and waited to swing on his swing until I finished. So now, I’m off!