Nov. 24: Sleep has been rough for my dear Sylvia. My assessment of the situation is that she doesn’t want to miss the party. She tends to go down for her naps alright, but then she wakes up after a half hour or an hour. She wakes up crying, and while she can barely keep her eyes open, she wildly moves her body in an attempt to keep herself up. I try nursing her back to sleep, rubbing her back, singing to her, shushing her, rocking her, etc. No go. I try leaving her to cry but checking on her every five minutes to soothe her. No go. I try leaving her to cry for a half hour straight. No go.
She knows her mind, this girl. And when she makes up her mind about something, she’s not one to be moved. When she was little she didn’t like her car seat and had an extraordinary ability to make her disdain known…crying up to hours at a time. I hold my breath when I think about how this determination may manifest itself in an 18-month old or a 2 1/2 year old!
In an ongoing attempt to find a sage who can help me lull my little girl into naptime dreamlands, I recently checked out about 10 sleep books from the library. It’s amazing how much some of these authors oppose each other. It’s like the Force vs. the Dark Side. Attachment parenting vs. Sleep training. It makes it a little daunting when they both threaten how ineffective and harmful the others’ approach can be.
For myself, I think I’ve developed a hybrid.
I think that new babies should get whatever they want. If parenting is a dance, then those first couple or few months, I’ve been really happy letting my babies do the leading. Then around three months through like six months, my little babies have seemed sturdier, and needs have started shifting to wants. Rythems are established, and routines can start to be instituted. It was around this point, that we started Andrew on his nighttime routine, which we keep to this day. Then as the tiny baby gets older…up to a year or more…it seems like more and more of the leading of the parenting dance should be done by the parent. When my babies get to decide too much, they end up not being very happy. Being a good leader means paying a lot of attention to your partner, but you’re the one deciding where to go and when. My kids do well when they know they don’t have to worry about who is in charge. They know it’s me. They can test me (oh, they test me!), but I think they are relieved to find that the boundries of their world are strong and consistent.
The sleep books talk about a lot of different sleep topics, like with sleeping through the night. Sure I would LOVE to sleep through the night, but it really isn’t too big of a deal to me that Sylvia is still waking once or twice. When she wakes three or more times, it’s a big deal. If she’s still waking once or twice in three or four or five months, I may feel like it’s become unacceptable…but it’s a transition. I like it best when it’s a smooth transition.
The main techniques that I’m picking up on from across all the books are:
- Consistency helps/is critical to sleeping success
- Having a widing-down routine is a really good thing
- Sleep begets sleep. A baby who naps well will sleep better at night and will nap better the next day.
- Sleep is critical to growth and development. Knowing that Syliva is chronically sleep-deprived, it pains me to read about all the long-term problems with sleep deprived babies: ADHD, depression, obesity, strongly depressed academic performance, hangnails, etc.
- Having the baby eat after waking up, having a period of wakefulness and then a nap (without nursing first) seems to be a common recommendation if you’re looking for longer naps. I am.
- Whether following the clock, your baby’s cues, or a little of both, having a consistent routine helps
Yup, that’s it. But nobody can really tell me what to do when Sylvia wakes up after a half hour nap screaming and won’t go back down. Oh well. She’ll grow out of it eventually!
So that’s my stream-of-consiousness brain dump on sleep.
Good night!