Aug. 28: 7 am. It’s been almost 18 hours since I was last personally tending to Mom. After going home at 1 pm yesterday to nap, I ended up staying home for the rest of the evening. I was on speaker phone while nurses were there a couple times. Throughout the afternoon, Mom was apparently sometimes very agitated and was trying to “get out.” She also continued to be very resistant to any help or suggestions that she take food or water or medicine. It sounds like the late afternoon and evening were a really tough time for the care givers. Michael and Dad, Terry and Tom were there.
One thing we’ve talked about is how hard it is to have the dual role of care giver and relative. Dad hasn’t had the space or time to allow himself to take in what is going on from the role of husband because he has been so consumed with caring for Mom’s moment-to-moment needs. After declining (really everything but notably) the suggestion that we move Mom to the Hospice Center so Dad and Michael and I could have a needed break, Mom whispered to the nurse,”yes.”
So around 8 or 9 last night, they brought an ambulance to our house, and they took Mom to the Hospice Center in Fitchburg. Michael said it went pretty smoothly. Poor Mom hasn’t been too cooperative for the last day or so, so I was worried about the move, but it sounds like it went alright.
It seems to me like Mom is in a similar mental place as I was when I was in labor with Andrew. I retreated to what felt like a small, dark cave or tunnel where I felt like I was taking refuge from the pain of labor. It was a major effort to pull myself out of that place to try to interact with a doctor or anyone. Mom has been so mentally inverted the last day or two. As I am getting ready this morning to drop Andrew off at daycare and head over the Hospice Center for the day, I find myself hoping that Mom will look at me when I come in her room. That her eyes will register that I’m there. That we could hold hands or cuddle or even talk. But unless things have improved quite a bit since her move, I don’t think any of those things will happen. My dear, sweet mommy has retreated to some place where she can’t reach out to us anymore. Or maybe not. I’ll see today.
Dad stayed with Mom at the Hospice Center overnight. Michael was on his way to pick him up this morning. Last night, Mom’s brother Peter and his wife Marci drove up from Iowa to be with us.
I’ll bring my laptop to Hospice today in case the center has wireless internet. I’ve received some really nice emails from people in the last days and weeks. Thank you so much. It feels really good to know that so many people care about Mom and about Dad and about me.
That’s the update for now.
~Althea