Back in the days pre-2007, back before my mom, my two grandparents, Bryan’s grandpa, and Terry’s dad passed away, I hadn’t given a lot of thought to obituaries. Or stories written about a person’s life. But in the last few years, I’ve become much more aware of how challenging and important it feels to me to write and talk about a person when they’re gone. Andrew and Sylvia didn’t get to spend much/any time with important people whom I loved and whom have passed. That means that it’s up to me and others who knew them to share stories about and to make them them present in our lives.
Grandma Harvey (Bryan’s mom’s mom) passed away last month, and the pastor wrote up and delivered a really lovely funeral service. In preparation, she talked to family member and read a memory book that Grandma Harvey wrote, and wove together some lovely words that painted a wonderful picture of kind, sweet Lola Mae Harvey. I asked Pastor Kim to send me a copy of her notes, and I’ll share them for you here. I hope you can sit back take a moment to read this, because then you too will hold memories of Grandma Harvey in your heart, and the more people who know and love her and Grandpa, the better.
Thanks to Pastor Kim for sharing this with me!
Lola Mae Harvey’s Funeral Service
Pastor Kim Dickerson
Aldersgate United Methodist Church, Wichita, KS
May 17, 2010
One of Lola Mae’s favorite childhood memories was to lie down in the grass with her sister, Lucille and her brother, Melvin in the late evening. They would watch the stars and make up stories together. “It was so peaceful,” Lola Mae said. This experience impacted Lola Mae, and made the 23rd Psalm one of her favorite bible verses. She said that it seems that heaven would have green pastures and quiet time.
As I read Psalm 23, I invite you to hear the section about the green pastures in a new way knowing how important the scripture and experience was to Lola Mae.
Psalm 23
Proverbs 31: 10-31
Ode to a Capable Wife.
Obituary
Lola Mae Blue Harvey was born May 6, 1919 to Edward and Mabel Blue in Wichita, KS. Lola Mae writes that she was most thankful in her childhood that she had parents who loved God, who loved and respected each other, and also loved and respected their children. While they had very few material things, they still had fun.
She grew up during the depression, and she had to make up most of her own games. Lola Mae enjoyed playing paper dolls that she would cut out of the catalog. All of her dolls had names and she played school with them. And she enjoyed passing this game on to her children and her grandchildren.
I was told Lola Mae even would put rouge on the family’s chickens and dress them up and play with them. Her favorite chicken had a broken wing, and it was a devastating day when a chicken with a broken wing ended up on the dinner table. She didn’t eat that night.
She was a good student. She loved school and spelling bees. Growing up, she enjoyed running and swinging on limbs. Walking on stilts, jumping rope and throwing the ball against the garage and catching it. She enjoyed the times her family would stand around the piano and sing hymns. She had two older brothers, Vernard and Melvin, and one older sister, Lucille.
Lola Mae also enjoyed baseball, and she would surprise all the ladies in the beauty shop when she would ask for the sports page. She was the only lady who cared at all for that section of the paper. She liked going to games at Lawrence Dumont stadium, and she was a Braves fan.
When she was 14 or 15 years old, she met her husband of 70 years, Forrest Lowell Harvey, who survives her. They met while in the opening exercises of Sunday school. Forrest says that on the day they began talking to one another, there was another boy who wanted to sit beside Lola Mae, but Forrest got there first. He said about Lola Mae, “She took my eye. I wasn’t going to lose her.” Lola Mae wrote in her book of memories that she liked Forrest because “he was a real nice boy, neat and clean.”
They were married on August 27, 1939 at Bethel Methodist Church in Wichita KS during opening exercises because they could not afford a regular wedding. Forrest had worked all night at the Beacon. He got home around 6:30am, and the wedding was at 9:30am. Their honeymoon was spent going to the Blue family reunion in Blackwell, OK. It was a one-day honeymoon, as Forrest had to go to work the next day.
The love that Forrest and Lola Mae shared with each other is something that anyone who knew them could recognize. The children and grandchildren especially appreciate the model for a loving marriage that the couple showed them. As LuAnn put it, “Some older couples have one of them walking in front, and one of them walking in back. But they always walked arm and arm.”
This was true. I had the pleasure of greeting them as they left the sanctuary every Sunday, and Lola Mae always was on Forrest’s arm, and you could tell that they had a very sweet love for one another. Forrest said many times as we prepared for today, that “she was a wonderful little girl, a peach.”
Throughout their marriage, Lola Mae would make a couple of pies and a cake each Saturday, and then some of Forrest’s friends from work would come over and when she would get up on Sunday, a lot of her dessert was missing.
Pies and cakes, rolls and cookies were things that Lola Mae was known for.
This is a tradition she kept up well into her old age—something her family will remember her for.
Forrest and Lola Mae enjoyed square dancing. They square danced and round danced until they were 80 years old. One of their favorite trips was to Alaska in 1989 with a square dance group. They also enjoyed playing cards with friends.
Lola Mae was very musically talented. She could play anything by ear. She played for opening exercises in Sunday School. She also played once at a McDonalds restaurant. They were with a tour group and someone asked if anyone could play the piano, and she volunteered. She had the entire restaurant singing old time songs.
As the family shared with me, when you looked at Forrest and Lola Mae, you would think they were prim and proper, but they loved to be silly as well. She was spunky, and even ornery. She surprised her family once when she told them about the time she put on a show as a one-woman band. She played the drum, the harmonica and the piano all at the same time. But Lola Mae would downplay it if you said she was talented. She was very modest.
To Forrest and Lola Mae were born three children, Larry Harvey of Augusta who is married to Susan; Don Harvey of Wichita, married to Cheryl; and LuAnn Dotzour of College Station TX, married to Mark. All of her children survive. Lola Mae writes that the happiest times in her life where “when they were raising their family. Each child as so different and so special.”
She was a caring mother, who wrote, “There is nothing as sweet as the way a baby looks up at you when you’re feeding it it’s bottle. It’s like it’s saying,
‘I know you love me and are going to take good care of me.’”
Larry said that as kids, their home was a gathering place. Lola Mae enjoyed knowing where her kids were, and if they were all at her home, she felt the best. She was wound a little tight, when it came to her children. The serenity prayer was her favorite prayer, but she found it hard to let go of her worry about the welfare of her children.
She was a loving mother, but she also had high expectations of her children. Once when Larry took ice cream from the kitchen for himself and his friend, she got after him and said, “There are other people in the world other than you.” She wanted her children to be considerate. Another time when LuAnn had gotten in trouble at school, but fibbed about why she was late getting home, Lola Mae got after her for lying.
She was a loving mother, and also a loving mother-in-law. Cheryl, Susan and Mark all said that she was the best mother in law you could ever have.
Lola Mae was a homemaker for most of her life. She also worked in the school cafeteria for a time. Lola Mae was a great seamstress. She made most of her children’s clothing. She even made a prom dress for Debbie. She made most of her own clothes until she was in her 70’s, at least, maybe longer. And, she was very particular. If it wasn’t done correctly, she would rip it out and do it over.
She was also a great teacher. She would teach LuAnn how to cook and clean and do the laundry: some of the happiest times LuAnn remembers spending with her mother. Lola Mae even shared her knowledge with the young women of the Ruth Circle, in which her daughter, LuAnn participated. She taught them how to make homemade noodles.
In addition to her three children, Lola Mae has seven grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. She was a wonderful grandmother who would intentionally lose at every card game she played with her grandchildren.
Her grandchildren remember how she showered them with love. How she called every camera a Kodak, no matter the brand. How she came to a Valentine’s party at school and read all the valentines. How she would fret that the pies and rolls might not be good enough, even though they always were the best. How she was always so well dressed and classy, even though she would never admit it. How she never said a negative thing about anyone—she always saw their good side. How she was such a gracious hostess. How her dog cookie jar always was filled with something special.
If Forrest and Lola Mae could choose the best way to spend their time, the best activities to take part in, it would have been the times they spent with their family.
Not too long ago, the entire family was sitting in a circle in the living room, talking. And even though Forrest and Lola Mae may not have been able to follow along fully in the conversation, they were beaming that their loved ones were around them. Forrest leaned over to Lola Mae with a huge smile and said, “Look, they are all here.” And that made them so happy. The highlight of her life was when everyone got together. She was so proud of each and every one of them.
Faith was a vital part of their lives. Forrest and Lola Mae were members of Bethel UMC, which later became St. Luke’s UMC. Each Sunday after church, the couple called on the people in the hospital. It was their ministry to take cards to the people who were hospitalized that the Congregation would sign.
In November of 2006, they joined Aldersgate UMC. It has been such a pleasure to see them each week, and be a witness to their love for one another, and also a witness to their love for God and the church.
Lola Mae passed away peacefully with her family at her side on Thursday, May 13, following a stroke. Memorials have been established with Aldersgate UMC and Harry Hynes Memorial Hospice.
Message
In Galatians 5:22-25 we read, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, Let us also be guided by the Spirit.”
As I have listened to the family’s stories about Lola Mae, and read through her very thoughtful book of memories that she completed for her family, I believe Lola Mae throughout her life was moving on toward perfection (as the founder of the Methodist Movement, John Wesley, might say).
She was moving on to perfection, or wholeness, moving on to Sanctification, and throughout her life yearned to allow the Holy Spirit to fill her with the fruits of the Spirit.
As I listened to the stories, I heard so many that shared examples of her love her joy and peace, her patience and kindness, her generosity and faithfulness, her gentleness and self-control. And I believe that she was able to share this because of her deep faith in God.
In the book of memories, one of the early questions was, “When did you first go to church? What are your earliest memories?” She replied that church had been important to her all of her life. She remembered sitting in little chairs in a circle at Sunday School. She remembered the dignified ushers. She remembered the choir, and the big voices some of them had.
She wrote that she always felt like she was a Christian, but that she and Forrest went forward at a revival service when they were about 15 years old to once again profess their faith. Their faith was one not necessarily lived out through a lot of talking about the faith, but by actually living their faith. Lola and Forrest would hold hands and say grace before every meal. And there was a Bible always beside Lola Mae on the table.
The family shared stories with me about how gifted and talented Lola Mae was, but they were very quick to point out that she always wanted to find ways to improve herself. She knew that to be a follower of Jesus, she must be humble. She may have been a little too humble, as her family has shared, and not realized what a true gift she was.
She was so talented, but you would never hear her say that, and if you would say something to that affect, Lola Mae would downplay her strengths and say that she had a long way to go. And even though she was an extremely beautiful and classy lady, Lola Mae definitely believed she was not perfect. She would sometimes cut her face out of family photos. Forrest says of his wife, “She can never imagine how much she meant to me. I wanted her to know that she was perfect for me.”
We pray that now that she is with her Savior in heaven, that he is showing her what a perfect wife, mother, perfect grandmother and woman, perfect and beautiful Christian she truly is. Made perfect because of God’s love and grace. Made perfect because she allowed the Holy Spirit to mold her heart, and grace her with the gifts of the Spirit.
Through her faithful life, Lola Mae shows each and every one of us how faith is lifelong journey. It is not something to take for granted, but it is something that should be nurtured throughout a lifetime.
One of the ways that Lola Mae found to best express her faith was through her gift of music. Even though her parents could not afford to send her for music lessons, she received a natural gift from God. Throughout her life, even up until the time of her stroke, God would put a song in her heart. She would hum a tune around the house and, it would stay in her head until she sat down to play it. When she would go to the piano, she would smile and play.
The song that Lola Mae would play the most in her later years was “The longer I serve him, the sweeter He grows.” The words are “Since my life He controls, since I gave my heart to Jesus, the longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.” All who knew Lola Mae would agree that the longer she served him, the sweeter she did grow.
She had a heart of a true servant of Christ. Her grandchildren and children remember how it was so important to Lola Mae that the porch be swept off before anyone came over. She was always looking for a way to serve other people. When the grandkids stayed at her house, she would turn down the covers and lay out their nightclothes. When the grandkids were in college, she would send them care packages filled with buttery sugar cookies.
Lola’s favorite advice was from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” This is how she lived out her life.
I think Lola Mae would encourage each and every one of us here to live this out. As she did. She would encourage us to live out the fruits of the spirit. To serve one another. She would want her family to continue to spend time together with Forrest. She would want us to love one another, just as her Savior loved her. She would ask that we remember her great love and commitment over any of her accomplishments.
May we all learn from Lola Mae’s life, may we all continue to work towards perfection in wholeness. And may we all experience the assurance that God loves us, just as we are, but too much to leave us here.
In Christ’s name we pray,
Amen.