I love staying home full-time with the kids. We have so much fun together. I love the quietness of it, the times we have for reading and painting and making meals. I love to go on outings, meet up with friends, play in the yard for hours and hours.
I’m discovering that I am a mom who needs activity. Even if the activity is just being outdoors and swinging or bike riding or chatting with neighbors (we do a lot of that!). In contrast, I don’t do so well just hanging out. Last weekend, I was the parent who got up with the kids in the mornings. On Monday morning, Bryan noted that we’d had a feast for breakfast every morning: crepes on Saturday, pancakes on Sunday, and waffles on Monday. All included eggs and sausage and juice and coffee. I told him that it was easier for me to have a project to do with the kids when we’re up early together. “As opposed to just playing with them?” he replied.
He’s right. If we’re just playing in the sun room, I get bored really fast. I try to read a magazine or clean or pull out the laptop. I’m not sure why. I’m happy to read the kids books for long periods or play a game or color on the easel or play a make-believe game. Andrew and Sylvie both like helping me cook, and they have fun cracking eggs, measuring milk, and whisking ingredients. But if the kids are just hanging out, doing their thing, I don’t really have the patience…actually the interest…in staying tuned in. Oh, and they love it when I just watch them play. Bryan’s mom is an expert at that. She loves watching kids play and do their thing. Bryan seems pretty good at it too. Ahh well, we all have our strengths!
So that’s something that’s been on my mind, and I thought I’d share. Another thing on my mind is that we have a fair amount of Sylvia-unhappiness in our household. That girl is amazing. I love her over the moon. She has so much energy and spirit and spunk. When we go to restaurants, she greets all the other patrons with waves and “HI!!!” and dimples galore. When she laughs (especially when Andrew makes her laugh), it’s heart-warming enough to make a statue crack a smile.
She also has passion and sadness. We visited Sarah and baby Charlie today. They were coming home from their morning stroller ride. It made me think, “What a lovely daily ritual! A stroller ride. Why don’t we do regular stroller rides?” The reason, I quickly remembered, is that from the time it was warm enough to take Sylvia on her earliest walks and stroller rides, she has gone on only a small number fully happy. Invariably, the first half is good and the second half involves some screaming. At least a third of the walk she needs to be carried (if she was in the stroller) or held (if she was in a carrier) as she screams and flails. The girl doesn’t like to be confined.
Sometimes I think I should just do things more frequently or consistently with her. If we took a walk every morning at the same time to the same place, maybe that would be better. It isn’t. Or if it is, Andrew doesn’t want to go and he ends up being the one crying and needing to be carried.
Sylvia also tends to fuss or cry most times we drive in the car. It’s not like when she was little and screamed the whole ride. That got better when she was around six months. It’s that she didn’t want to get in her car seat in the first place or she wants something Andrew has or she finished her snack and wants more. For the most part, I can talk her down or cajole her into being calm, but keeping her happy in the car is an active process. She doesn’t get calmed by music or audio books. She sometimes likes to look at books or play with dolls, but then she drops them and I can’t reach them and that’s a big problem.
We had lunch with Bryan today. His office is on the other side of town, and Sylvia cried all the way home. She was saying, “Wa.” And I have no idea what she wanted. She got her arms out her car seat in her tantrum. I guess it all makes me appreciate quiet drives across town when I get them.
All this is to say that if I one day have a grandchild I’d like to remember that things as a parent are sometimes kind of rough. And the rough parts can be mixed in, part and parcel with the sweet, darling, wonderful parts. I’m already finding that I forget things about parenting. I kind of forget what it was like to wake up many times in the night or to have a sick tiny baby. Just like with child birth, the hard parts kind of fade into amnesia and the glowing parts stay crystal clear in my mind. So I write this down not to complain, not even because today is particularly harder than any other day or week, but just to keep it real.
Nancy Stoebigat 3:35pm on September 11th
Sounds to me like Sylvia is alot like her mother….she doesn't like to sit and watch, she likes to DO…..pour water…………cook big breakfasts……….hmmmm. There's nothing wrong with playing with your kids like Bryan does, and there is nothing wrong with 'playing' in the kitchen either.
Melissa Zietzat 4:40pm on September 11th
Well said, Althea! The memory is kind, thank goodness! Both of my kids were challenging (that's the nicest way I can say it) in the car and the stroller for the first few years, and it made me want to scream (and sometimes I did). It's so hard. It truly does take a village…and I wish I would have had a bus driver in mine…
Nikki Haworthat 5:20pm on September 11th
I understand what it is like having a girl who doesn't like to be confined!! Avery wants to walk everywhere- and do everything herself!! I do love her independence… and wouldn't want it any other way, but it can be a challenge sometimes! 😉
Althea Babler Dotzourat 5:55pm on September 11th
Hey Nancy, thanks for stepping back and helping me see some of the big picture that I sometimes miss. Funny that I wrote about myself and about Sylvia in the same post but didn't see the similarities myself:)Melissa, I love the humor you bring to parenting (and everything else!). I love my village. Thank heavens for my village!Nikki, it's amazing to me how much a personality trait can simultaneously delight and challenge. I wouldn't change Sylvie a bit either:)
Kate Arnoldat 9:21pm on September 12th
It's always good to remember that with everything are the high notes and the not-as-high notes, and the challenges that make life real. You are a super-fantastic mom with way more patience than I can imagine! All those personality traits will lead to good things…it's hard for people that small I guess…when minds are so much bigger.
Althea Babler Dotzourat 11:30pm on September 13th
Thanks for the note, Kace. It's fun to get to share the highs and lows of parenting with friends:)
Sounds to me like Sylvia is alot like her mother….she doesn't like to sit and watch, she likes to DO…..pour water…………cook big breakfasts……….hmmmm. There's nothing wrong with playing with your kids like Bryan does, and there is nothing wrong with 'playing' in the kitchen either.
Hey Nancy, thanks for stepping back and helping me see some of the big picture that I sometimes miss. Funny that I wrote about myself and about Sylvia in the same post but didn't see the similarities myself:)Melissa, I love the humor you bring to parenting (and everything else!). I love my village. Thank heavens for my village!Nikki, it's amazing to me how much a personality trait can simultaneously delight and challenge. I wouldn't change Sylvie a bit either:)
Sounds to me like Sylvia is alot like her mother….she doesn't like to sit and watch, she likes to DO…..pour water………...cook big breakfasts…..…..hmmmm. There's nothing wrong with playing with your kids like Bryan does, and there is nothing wrong with 'playing' in the kitchen either.
I understand what it is like having a girl who doesn't like to be confined!! Avery wants to walk everywhere- and do everything herself!! I do love her independence… and wouldn't want it any other way, but it can be a challenge sometimes! 😉
Sounds to me like Sylvia is alot like her mother….she doesn't like to sit and watch, she likes to DO…..pour water…………cook big breakfasts……….hmmmm. There's nothing wrong with playing with your kids like Bryan does, and there is nothing wrong with 'playing' in the kitchen either.
Well said, Althea! The memory is kind, thank goodness! Both of my kids were challenging (that's the nicest way I can say it) in the car and the stroller for the first few years, and it made me want to scream (and sometimes I did). It's so hard. It truly does take a village…and I wish I would have had a bus driver in mine…
I understand what it is like having a girl who doesn't like to be confined!! Avery wants to walk everywhere- and do everything herself!! I do love her independence… and wouldn't want it any other way, but it can be a challenge sometimes! 😉
Hey Nancy, thanks for stepping back and helping me see some of the big picture that I sometimes miss. Funny that I wrote about myself and about Sylvia in the same post but didn't see the similarities myself:)Melissa, I love the humor you bring to parenting (and everything else!). I love my village. Thank heavens for my village!Nikki, it's amazing to me how much a personality trait can simultaneously delight and challenge. I wouldn't change Sylvie a bit either:)
You had me all the way up to “Just to keep it real.”
Uh, does the phrase “just to keep it real” in some way displease you, oh dsbs?
(translation: dear sweet beautiful sister)
It's always good to remember that with everything are the high notes and the not-as-high notes, and the challenges that make life real. You are a super-fantastic mom with way more patience than I can imagine! All those personality traits will lead to good things…it's hard for people that small I guess…when minds are so much bigger.
It's always good to remember that with everything are the high notes and the not-as-high notes, and the challenges that make life real. You are a super-fantastic mom with way more patience than I can imagine! All those personality traits will lead to good things…it's hard for people that small I guess…when minds are so much bigger.
Thanks for the note, Kace. It's fun to get to share the highs and lows of parenting with friends:)
I am good with amnesia “glazing over” some of the rough times.
You shouldn’t feel regretful about things you think you “ought” to enjoy more (because others do) versus the things you do enjoy. I think my mom was more of an active mom, too– she didn’t necessarily like to sit and just watch us play and I don’t really remember her playing games with us much or playing with toys, but she read to us a lot. I have many happy memories of reading chapter books with mom, even well after I could read them myself.
Thanks for the positive feedback, Lisa. It really does work out well that partners and friends have different approaches and fortes.
🙂
Thanks for the note, Kace. It's fun to get to share the highs and lows of parenting with friends:)
I don’t think you should be tuned in to what the kidlets are doing all the time. It;s perfectly fine for them to do their own thing withOUT you paying attention. In fact, it’s good for them to do that. So if they are playing and happy, you should go do whatever it is you want until they need you.