Rememberances from Dad

We are in the right place today as we were last night at Bethel….. because Margot is a Child of God.

She comes from a religious, devoted, loving, caring, down-to-earth, family and extended family. Many of her values and ways of living life she learned from them and watching how they lived their lives. It made me feel good as I met them because they are much like my family and extended family. It was because of the way my Mother and Dad raised me and my family and extended family that Margot and I could have such a common bond.

[This paragraph not included in remarks because of length of time: Part of her family legacy included clergy. In our living room we have an example – a rocking chair that has a plaque with the following legend, “Presented to – Gotthold Heinrich August Loebor (1853-1944) – by his congregation – Saint Martini Lutheran Church, Milwaukee, Wisconsin” Her roots run deep.]

I also found myself learning from her family. Her Mother, Lorraine, affectionately known as Mum to our family, often explained to me how to listen to God. It has helped me and I use her advice in my life because she is right.

This is the right place to be today…..
It where our family sat over there, near of St. Peter, most Sunday’s unless out of town or at Bethel.
Sometimes there was a pew full of wiggly kids. (Margot had to remind me it would get better)
Sometimes they sat quietly eating Cheerios (when very young) or paging through their illustrated Bible.
We celebrated our Christmas’s here. We usually attended the Children’s Christmas Eve service at 4:30, often with a child serving in the role of Shepard, Wiseman, or Mary – or in a choir. We grew up here. We had family or friends join us. Margot and Joseph joined the Bell Choir, which became know to us as “Joe and the Ladies”, or Joe accompanied Bill with his oboe. We ask for guidance here, help and forgiveness. We prayed for our children and their future. 15 months ago Margot and I remarried here. And the last 27 months, we prayed for guidance here and were blessed with a basket of Miracles. We were heard. During those last two years Margot and I would discretely hold hands through most of each service.

Margot’s relationship with God is best expressed as Love. She knew God loved her and embraced Him. She fashion that Love into her life and into a world into which anyone is welcomed. Her family and school friends have always been in her life, then she included me as well as many college friends, then welcomed each of her children and many new life friends many who are here today.

Driving up to the Hospice Center last Wednesday after a short time away, it occurred to me we were actually living in Margot’s world – the world she created from love, friendship and the gentle ways of her person. That may seem strange to say. As her husband, I always thought we were on a mutual path between two people, making their way together. What I discovered was that some time long passed, it had really become the life she created – and – like the gravity of a planet-world carrying along its moon, I was fully living within her sphere. The same was true for many, many others to a similar or different degree. I smiled.

When you look at the photos on Althea and Bryan’s family website, it is no accident that there are lots of people in them. They are all people that traveled in Margot’s world and mine. They are people that first came to her from work, college days, from neighborhoods, through her children and school, from her interests, through friends, and people whose hearts she just captured. During the last two years, she also made friends with people who were also fighting cancer, sharing her good fortune in living and successfully battling back this disease for so long.

You know Margot is magical.

For anyone who has had children you will recognize this thought.
When you first think about having children, you image what they will be like, their personality, how they look, and maybe how they will approach life. When they actually are born you marvel at who they are. They are much more wonderful that you could have ever believed.

When I thought about what my life partner would be like, I had an image. Then came Margot. If God have given me a magic wand, I could not have begun to approach the wonderful woman that she is.

I remember the first time I met her. I was a college student bagging groceries in the Whitewater Piggly Wiggly. John was working the Young Republican table on the campus when she stopped to sign up. After talking to her for an hour he decided she would make a good candidate. (John has picked people over the years for county boards, municipal government, mayors, and the legislature, so his judgment is good.)

John thought I should meet her. I saw John breezing into the store with the good-looking college girl trailing him. She was statuesque, confident, and fresh. He introduced her. I can’t remember what we said, but I remember her firm handshake, delightful smile and elegance. It was brief. As I watched her leave, I said to myself, “she is great!” After a pause, I also said, “R- i – i – i – g-h-t!!! Just forget it.” But I couldn’t forget.

She did run for office, Student Publications Board, and defeated a campus radical that eventual burnt down “Old Main”. While we worked in common on campus politics, it was some time before we became romantic.

We fit together so well, I didn’t really try to analyze it in those days. Today, I know more about what attracted me to her.

What Margot wanted more than anything was to Love and be Loved. Her notes to me were always signed, “Love Me”.
Margot valued more than anything being a wife and mother. And she excelled at being a Mother. She wanted to find her family, have them grow into strong, independent, and be adults that would Love each other as well as be her life long friends.
She also wanted a wide circle of friend that would be as close as family who she could love and with whom she could share life’s adventures. She accomplished all of her life’s goals but one, to share more time with her friends and next generation. That’s what attracted me to her and made me want the same goals in her world.

35 years ago August 12th, Margot’s Dad – Joseph – led her down the aisle of a Beloit Church. He gave her hand to me for her new married life. On the last day of this summer, just one week ago, on a quiet star-studded night, I held her hand again and prayed as she gentling passed. Taking her other hand, invisibly, was her Dad now leading her into God’s world. She was never alone and she always with people who loved her. (Thanks Tom)

You know the best thing about today…. Margot’s world will go on. That’s is one of the things we are here resolved to do. While her help will be felt only in the softest ways, we will do what she wanted. Love each other, cherish our families, hold our friends close, lean on our God, never miss the beauty in nature or in what people create, look for goodness, purge anger and worry, and look for ways to heal. As she told me over three decades ago, she wants us to remember her and smile, to be happy for her (as soon as we can), and make her life’s work in love flourish. And then, when we have exhausted all of the life we can possibly live, she will take our hands on that journey and greet us with the biggest hug. Love you Margot. Love Me.