Sept. 4: 12 am. I’ve had so many thoughts I’ve been wanting to write about these last few days, but we have been busy, busy, busy getting things ready for the events later this week. Maretta, Dad, and I have gone through the house and pulled together several boxes of things to display at the visitations on Thursday and Friday. And I’ve spent hours and hours going through photo albums and boxes of photos to dig out pictures of Mom. Heather came to stay with us the other day, and with her help, we’ve scanned or acquired almost 700 pictures of Mom from over the years.
100 of my favorites (so far…I hope more keep coming in from people) are in the gallery.
I’ve been so surrounded by things pertaining to Mom and things that embody her spirit these last days, that I know logically that she is gone, but she really doesn’t feel gone. In fact, she feels very present. I’ve been trying to pull up feelings of sadness today, but either I’m too focused to be sad today or I’m just feeling to grateful for the rich legacy that she’s left us to find room for mourning.
I found myself walking along today, repeating as my feet hit the ground, “Mom is dead, Mom is dead, Mom is dead.” And now that I’ve written that down, it looks horrible, but when I was thinking it, I really felt like I was just reminding myself so I didn’t forget again and again. I think that between the frantic pace of our preparations, the incredible outpouring of love and support I’m getting from friends near and far, and the wonderful feelings of peace that I get from looking through things from the past have given me a respite today.
Who knows how tomorrow will go, but I’ll take a bit of a peaceful day!