June 6: I’m not going to publish this until we make our news public, but it appears that Andrew may be a big brother! I took a pregnancy test on Thursday, and it came back negative. However, when I tried it again on Sunday, June 3, there it was. A faint blue plus on the pregnancy test. In a stunned state, I said, "Oh my god!" Andrew then jumped around on the bed proclaiming, "Oh, my god! Oh, my god!" Good thing I hadn’t exclaimed anything more colorful!
The rest of our day was a great one. We went on a trip out to Blue Mounds/Cave of the Mounds, to Mount Horeb (where I poked around in a bookstore for books on siblings and having a second child), and then over to the Mustard Museum. I’ve been a little surpised how this new develoment has created within me a new, fierce wave of love and devotion for Andrew. I find myself even more tender and loving toward him, and I think he’s just the best little person around.
Starting a new pregnancy is really different this time. I still have feelings of disbelief and shock and find myself saying things to bryan like, "apparently we’re going to have a new baby. ha!" It just seems so odd that everything feels just the same as it was last week, but a little plus on some random stick that I bought at Walgreens fortells some major changes on the way. This time, however, I have seen and felt first hand how a pregnancy progresses. If it’s at all like last time, I’ll have zero symptoms until late July.
According to my caluclations, the baby’s due date is February 3 or Feb. 8 (depending on how I calculated it). That’s just not too far away! At this point, I think we’re going to wait until we’re close to 12 weeks before sharing out news. I just made my first appointment with my doctor for July 3 Now that I’ve gotten used to the idea for a few days, I sort of want to start telling people. But last time, I really enojyed (especially in retrospect) having that period when it was just a secret between me and Bryan. A wonderful little secret.
Amidst my flood of thoughts, I have several fears. What if this pregnancy terminates? It happens a lot of the time. How do I tell Heather about this? She so wants a baby… Then there are more practical concerns. We were supposed to go skiing with Bryan’s family in February. Gosh darn it! I don’t think that will happen! I wonder if we should tell them earlier so they can change plans. And then there’s my concern about February in general. That’s a cold, illness-prone month for a baby to be born. I don’t think I’ll get out walking much like I could with Andrew. Oh well!
I’ve also started sending out feelers to the baby. I feel like a mama whale singing down into the deep waters for her little one. "Hello! Is anyone there?" I felt Andrew’s presence so strongly while he lived inside of me. It took a while, though. I mean, at this point, the baby is just mostly a bundle of cells. Maybe by late this summer, I’ll start to get a sense for who this new little person is. It feels good to open up my heart to the new little wonder growing in my belly. There’s a channel of love and contentment that’s started flowing from me to the wee one. Now, no bigger than a sesame seed, I hope it already feels loved.
So that’s my update. Big news! Big changes! What a wonderful time.